Battle Scars

Simply because I've finished chemotherapy doesn't mean everything is easy, back to normal minus the leukemia. Granted I'm early in the recovery process, but even I had to be kicked in the teeth to be reminded that my body is far from normal. A few days ago I thought I'd go for a 30 minute run. Everything was feeling ok, so I thought it would be good to work up a sweat to help detox. Well, about half-way through the run my abdomen started screaming. I had to stop and double over to try and get the pain to stop. I was with a friend so I didn't want to walk all the way back. We ran it in and I paid for it with 48 hours of excruciating pain in my abdomen. The pain is still there, but I'm not having to take handfuls of pain meds anymore to be able to tolerate the pain. Running is off the docket for a bit longer. I don't need to have that experience again.

The chemo drugs beat up my joints, ligaments and tendons causing pain and weakness. For example, I have to focus when I pick up anything to keep my wrists straight. They are so weak that they immediately bend backwards adding to the pain. And I'm not talking heavy things. I'm talking a cup of coffee in my favorite mug.

I didn't lose my hair, but my normally silky hair has the texture of straw. The benefit is that can I actually get my hair to stand up in all kinds of directions without any product and it looks thicker even though it has thinned some from the chemo.

Did you know that some chemotherapy drugs can cause people to be sterile? Well, in women that means menopause. This last round of treatment was what broke the dike and overloaded my system. In addition to having treatment side effects, add onto that hormonal side effects of my body being thrown into immediate menopause. Hot flashes overlaid on top of the chills from the chemo, not fun. I hear a collectal cheer from the women like "Yay, no more periods". Actually, menopause is not a good thing for women, because it causes a woman's body to age faster. So, gals change your view about your monthly cycle. My situation might be a temporary menopause and I'll recover or it might be permanent. So, I've got chemo-brain and off-the-charts PMS. Lovely. Poor Dan, having to deal with me.

I could go on with the battle wounds, but I'm hoping most will go away and not be permanent issues. Besides the physical battle wounds, chemo had an impact on my psyche. I thought having leukemia changed me. It did. But going through the intensity of chemotherapy, changed me. I'm still sorting through things and looking forward to more time to live life to the fullest.