Where Do I Go From Here?

After beginning this process back in November 2007, it is nice to know that I am approaching the 6th and final round of chemotherapy. Not to hurry time, but I'll be glad when it is over.

I'm well from the most recent infection, finishing the antibiotics yesterday. I am scheduled for the final three days of chemo next Wednesday through Friday. I suspect I'll breeze through because I've figured out the anti-nausea meds and there doesn't seem to be much cancer left, so the drugs go right through me without causing alot of physiological response. Dan is here for the final round.

After a battery of tests in July, I'll know how well the chemotherapy worked. I have a good feeling about it. And if running provides any hints, I had a great 5 mile trail run the other night. It actually felt easy and was fun. Yay! If the tests show I'm in remission, it is unknown how long the remission may last. This word used to not be said with this type of leukemia, Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, CLL. In fact, in my medical records over the years, different oncologists have written, "Discussed - No possibility of remission". The word choice is "remission" not "cure". Currently, there isn't a cure for CLL using chemotherapy, although a bone marrow transplant using stem cells can sometimes offer a cure. The risk of dying from a bone marrow transplant is quite high, so it is a last ditch option. And yes, someday, I will most likely have to go through that process. If chemotherapy didn't work very well, then I'll be back on the treatment treadmill. Watching and waiting as the cancer grows and I'm so sick that I have to have chemotherapy again. The problem with chemotherapy and cancer is that the cancer is smart. Once it sees chemotherapy drugs it becomes resistant to those drugs and different ones have to be used. This is something I try not to think about, since I'm being treated with the "gold standard" of drugs, meaning this was my best chemotherapy treatment choice. However, I remain hopeful that I will go into a lasting remission that will buy me some time and as more research is done, more options will become available. And yes, I do believe someday that there will be a cure for Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia.

Deja vu

The countdown has begun to my 6th and final round of chemotherapy. Treatment is scheduled less than 2 weeks away. However, I am sick again. I know this was all my own doing. I was feeling good, so I did too much. Basically, I got out to see people, did a bit of running, and got sick. I currently have a sore throat and fever along with increased fatigue.

Did I say I was frustrated? I have to admit I'm sick of being sick, whether it's from an infection or leukemia symptoms or chemotherapy side effects. You know what's it's like to get the flu and you can't do anything, feel miserable, wonder when you're going to feel good again... Well, imagine that times 5 Years. I have pretty much felt like crap for 5 Years! I've done a good job ignoring most of my symptoms and getting out and doing things by pushing aside pain and making myself have energy, even if the energy wasn't there. However at the moment, I'm tired of being sick.

Ok, enough ranting. I'm looking beyond this last round of chemo to when I find out how well the last six months of chemotherapy have worked. That's the true test. I'll get over this current infection and I am thrilled to say that most of my leukemia symptoms have disappeared. I especially like that almost all of my pain from the leukemia is gone. It's been a long time since I have been free of pain. I'm also looking forward to my immune system rebounding, so I can get out and "do too much" and not get sick!

So now a word to the wise. Time to save up your energy and be forewarned, because the Wildwood Diva will be soon be out-and-about! =)

How to Make Chemotherapy Fun

I sailed through Round 5 without any issues. I'm sitting here scratching my head, thinking did it really happen? The only reason I know it did is that I'm borderline nauseous even with my grocery cart of anti-nausea drugs. Oh yeah, and the fact that I'm sleeping about 16 hours a day. My sister and Dan did all the Rounds with the dirty work which included watching me turn green, cleaning up barf, feeding me if I was able to eat, and wondering if after so many hours sleeping I was still breathing. But this Round was different. I had fun this round because first off, I knew to keep loaded with anti-nausea drugs and second, I had a relay team of help, so I felt like I was in social hour. I got to catch-up with some of my friends which made me happy, even as I was getting chemo plumbed in.

I have to say Day 2 was the most fun for a variety of reasons. As I'm bouncing off the walls from the cafe mocha that Kim bought me, I came down off the ceiling for a moment to let my doctor know how much I appreciate all the care and concern he has given me! He truly is The Best!!! After treatment, Kim and I met up with Steven to pick up some meals he made for me. Oh yeah, why not have another espresso?! We stuck to caffeine even though you see all the wine bottles behind us. Kim got me home in time before I passed out and she would have had to drag me into the house to bed. I slept the rest of the afternoon. Had dinner and slept till morning. I think I have to put this as one of my all time most fun days at chemo. If being happy adds to the healing process, I'd say those chemo drugs got a big boost of happiness help this Round!

Did You Say "Great News!"

Thoughts from Wiki: Did I hear "Great News!"? That's even better than "Do you want a treat?".

I'm embarrassed to say that I was so caught up in when Round 5 of chemotherapy was going to get going, that I forgot to tell you about the great news I received at my oncologist appointment on Monday. It was clearly a case of losing sight of what the real goal is-"Getting Rid of the Leukemia" and not "When is chemotherapy ever going to end?" What a huge thing to lose sight of, but we do that so often in our lives. We get so focused on the going through the motions that we forget why we we're doing what we're doing. We don't even see that we already have what we're working to achieve, if we only pause for a moment and breathe.

Ok, now the great news. Drumroll, please. All my tumors are gone! From physical examination, all my tumors are gone! You know, that sounds soooo good that I think I'll say it again and again, all my tumors are gone! Not to put a damper on the news because I don't want to and I'm not meaning to, but we won't know if the cancer is gone or for sure if the internal tumors are gone until I have all the post-chemotherapy tests in July. But in the meantime, I'm thrilled (what an understatement) that all my tumors are gone!

Floating on Cloud 9,

Wildwood Diva

Round 5 Finally Scheduled

I'll be starting my fifth round of chemotherapy on Thursday, May 8. I'll have the usual 3 days, finishing this round on Saturday. I've still got some lingering flu symptoms, but my doctor is hoping a couple more days of antibiotics will help clear them up. My blood counts looked great, so even with an infection they recovered well from the Round 4 treatment.

I'm thrilled to be moving forward, since it brings me closer to the finish line. I see Round 6 on the horizon with a healing summer shining up behind it.

Round 5 Still in Question

The antibiotics have worked getting rid of the secondary infection that was setting up in my chest and sinuses. I still must have the flu virus hanging around because I have a few symptoms; off-key voice and coughing, although my energy is much better. Yesterday I was thinking I would be good to go for chemotherapy this week, but then I had a rough patch of coughing last night. So, now I'm wondering if chemo will be this week or next? Well, the question will be answered shortly, as I'm scheduled to see my oncologist this afternoon.

My sister took off yesterday to Texas to see her daughters that are in college. Her husband flew in from Indonesia, because my niece is graduating this week. Well, my sister left with the flu I gave her. I told her to tell her family that she brought a little bit of Kit with her and that I was willing to share.

Flu Worsening

My flu is worsening. I spent most of last night trying to stop coughing. I finally propped myself in a seated position and was able to get a bit of sleep. It has moved into my upper chest and sinuses and my throat is really raw. Plus I still sound like a croaking frog when I speak. Too bad I don't have a bit more spunk to use my voice in a few crank calls.

My doctor has ordered some antibiotics to prevent this infection from spiralling out of control. He had tentatively scheduled me to start Round 5 next week, but that will probably not happen. It is a day-to-day evaluation.