Nothing is Impossible

Like the title says, "Nothing is Impossible." Well, except living forever, but that's not what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking, "Why do we limit ourselves?" It's so easy to talk oneself out of something before even giving it a shot. That's the failure. Never even seeing what we're capable of. Well, in case you're wondering, I'm giving life my best shot.

This week I crossed a new bridge. The thought, "I have today. I have today to live. Not in 6 weeks when I'm done with chemo. Not in July when I have tons of tests run to see if the chemo worked. But yes, I have today". It dawned on me this week. Not that I haven't thought it many times before, but this time it really sunk in. I think I've done a pretty good job the last 7 years living with leukemia and making the most of my life not letting the disease control me. It has taken away many aspects of my life, but I have always adapted to the changes by making them my new normal. Somehow pulling out the Big Guns Chemotherapy, the drug combination that is supposed to be my best chance of buying some more time on this planet, has made me think about a whole series of black holes about the future. I was spending too much time thinking about, "What if....?" So, I crossed the bridge leaving the "What if's" behind. I will live today, making the most of today, because I have today. That is the lesson that leukemia taught me. I realized Regret looks behind living in the past at what "went wrong", Worry looks around wasting energy on what if's that may never happen, but Hope looks forward to making the most of the time we still have. I choose Hope.

So, one of the things I did to make the most of today was to spend the evening with a bunch of friends, celebrating a friend's 40th birthday, but first about 15 of us went for a run. I ran over 5 miles. It is the farthest I've run since my last marathon in November. Was the run easy? No. Did I feel good? No, I had abdominal pain the whole time and had no mojo in my legs. Did it make me happy to run? Yes. Did I think I could run over 5 miles before I started? No, but I took the first steps and told myself that I would run as far as I could and that I wanted to run the whole way. It's so amazing what we are capable of, if we only believe we can.

Burning bright,

Wildwood Diva