It's Not About the Hair

Yes, I still have my hair, albeit it feels kinda like straw. Being short, it makes for some fabulous bed-head styles in the morning.

Let me tell you, this chemo, cancer thing is NOT about the hair. So what, if it had fallen out. It would have grown back. What this chemo, cancer thing is about is the mind. It's a mental thing. Sure, I've had my share of tossing my cookies, not eating, laying around lifeless, battling another infection...all of which suck and are brutal, but the war this disease wages with my emotional and psychological state is impressive. This week has been a tough mental battle. Leukemia has taken so much away from my life already. I've simply adjusted to the loss of things as "normal" and accepted it. Now chemo has taken away two of my favorite joys in life; spending time with my friends and running. I've had to be socially isolated (it feels like solitary confinement) because I can pick up an infection so, so easily and also sadly, I haven't had the energy or felt good enough to spend time with people. And the running. Chemo has taken away one of my loves and my major coping mechanism. Sure, I can still run a little bit. However, it takes my entire will focused on running and doing it. It is really hard to run even 30 minutes. I know that may seem like alot to some of you, but for a marathoner that's not even enough time to get warmed up!

So, how am I coping without running? Ok. As those close to me say, "I'm mental". :-) However, it was so much easier when I could run. Like in a race, I must focus on getting to the finish line the best I can. That's what I'm doing now. I'm running a marathon in my mind. I have some huge physical challenges still in front of me, but I know that the finish will feel so good and the accomplishment of completing this challenge will leave me feeling better, stronger and extend my life. I'd say the reward is worth it!

Thanks to all of you that take the time to email me long notes, call me and leave messages, text me, etc. I really, really appreciate your support and love hearing about what you're up to. It seems that going through this challenge has made me quite introverted, as I focus on healing. Thus, I'm not so good right now at responding.

All the best,
Wildwood Diva